I wish I could punch you in the face.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
