so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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