The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
