If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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