I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
