This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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