i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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