Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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