i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
