It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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