I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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