How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
