Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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