so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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