don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
