if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
