puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
