he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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