hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
