Apparently you make a good broom.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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