I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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