I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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