Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I deserve this hangover.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
