he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This house was built for laser tag.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
