Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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