Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
