he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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