Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
