Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
