It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
