I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
