She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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