Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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