what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
