you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
