sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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