please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
