When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
