His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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