i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
