My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
