Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
