She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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