i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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