Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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