yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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