i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
