I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
