can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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