If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
