That's when you crack a 10am beer
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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